I am now a Cyborg who may need an epidural after all

My slightly clumsy 9 month pregnant self, combined with my keen sense of needing to be efficient (read that - do things very quickly, as Danny can attest - this isn't necessarily efficient in the long run), combined with my lack of formalized kitchen knife training has lead to two very minor accidents in the last few weeks, rendering me now a cyborg.

This Friday night we had some friends over for shabbat dinner and I decided to give myself a break, make a super easy meal (that's right, tofu lasagna, my fav), and even cook everything the night before so I could come back from our Friday afternoon doctor's appointment (see Bones and Boners below), make the salad, set the table and actually get in the shower before our guests arrived. Honestly, I was quite proud of myself.

So, Danny and I came home around 5:30. I told him - exhausted from the week (the poor kid gets up at 4:30am everyday) - to lie down for an hour while I made the salad, and then all he needed to do upon rising was a quick shpritz of the bathroom, shower, throw on a clean shirt and be ready to bring in the sabbath by 7:30.

Easy peasy. Not so fast. (If only...)

I ran around a little, turned on the oven, put out some dishes, got together the ingredients for the salad and sliced....right off a very small piece of my left pointer finger. It was kind of amazing, actually. There it was - the tip, on the cutting board, next to the lettuce. I remembered how I had become a full on drama queen a few weeks ago upon slicing my finger during our babymoon, so I breathed in and out (waking Danny, but just slightly), took a paper towel, applied pressure, elevated, and sat down. Despite my instincts, I sat down.

Here we go, I thought, I can do this. In just a few weeks I'm going to push a baby out of my vagina using self-hypnotic "numbing" - so let's test these techniques out. Sure enough, I breathed into the wound, I sat, breathed some more, I remained calm. Danny slept on. I sat for 10 minutes, loosened the pressure on the finger, and noticed I was still bleeding.

Danny's hour long nap time was just about over so I woke him up - bloody paper towel in hand, breathing techniques already out the window.

Sure, Danny's a doctor, but he's a PhD, not a physician, though he seems to play one now and then in a crisis. He ordered me to sit down and apply pressure for 25 more minutes...and just tell him what to do to get things ready for our guests.

This is my least favorite situation. I am basically relegated to the sidelines and to the position of water boy, but I also hold the play book (I know nothing about sports so I'm sure I mixed some metaphors just now). Sooo annoying! Painfully, and not calmly (or nicely), I micromanaged Danny through the making of the salad, the placing of the lasagna into the oven, and setting of the table.

Tensions were high - I was being horrible and he was exhausted - and after 25 minutes - I was still bleeding.

You need to put on more pressure, he said. And stop moving around. Just sit down.

He wasn't yelling, he wasn't being mean. But I was annoyed. I was hurt and frustrated. I felt powerless and in pain and worried that maybe it was a serious cut after all. There were spots of blood on my nice clean shirt, I was unshowered, the guests were coming in 30 minutes, and I heard in my head and projected into Danny's, how the fuck are we going to get through 6-24 hours of labor. How am I going to get through it physically and how are we as a couple going to do it emotionally?

Blocking out the fear of childbirth and demise of our marriage, I had an idea that maybe what was happening (as there really wasn't that much blood) was that the paper towel was sticking to the wound during the pressure applying period. So when I released the pressure I was also peeling off the paper towel which started the bleeding again.

We needed an alternative to the paper towel!

There was a small scuffle with a band-aid along with some yelling from me about this being his fault and why is he trying to hurt me.

Danny cut up some gauze, wrapped it around the finger and put on a band-aid.

To save the marriage we decided to wait for our friend - the surgeon - to come to dinner to make the next move.

Unshowered and with bad hair, we served dinner. My finger was throbbing but no longer bleeding, the gauze happily stuck to the open wound.

During dessert I consulted with the surgeon and practically teared up at the thought of having to rip the gauze off (I likened it to pulling your own tooth out).

He pointed out it was indeed a minor cut, the bleeding had stopped, and to just leave it until the morning. I had a fleeting fantasy of going into self-hypnosis and gently, peacefully (like my intended birth), removing the gauze in the morning.

I couldn't do it the next morning, or the next.

When Danny and I talk about it, we each say things we regret. He seems to think my hysteria drove us to this outcome - I say it was his "yelling." He says he was just being firm. I say bossy. I joke that I know everything - he doesn't disagree.

All the while, the gauze remains affixed to my finger - day 4. I'm now a cyborg - part human, part gauze.

Bump Check - 36 weeks! - Bones and Boners

Found my purple tank top - not sure where my toes are, though.

On Friday we had our last ultrasound - just a quick appointment with the OB that backs up our midwives to give us clearance for using the Birthing Center on the big day. Three little gems came out of the meeting:

1) we're all cleared for the Birthing Center (yeah!)

2) they estimate XY's weight at 7 pounds (these estimates can be off by one or two pounds - they do this estimate by measuring the femur, the diameter of the head and maybe the stomach and then extrapolating from there?)

3) it appears XY has a large penis (these estimates are never off!)

Too funny.

Another bathing suit picture

Since the last one was such a hit (and lord knows I would never take a bikini picture not pregnant), I thought I'd post another one.

Last out of town trip

Danny and I went to Washington, DC this weekend to see Diana (so fun - amazingly good homemade pizza Saturday night) and also managed to sneak in a few friends. Here's a picture of me and Nikki at the National Portrait Gallery. I was impressed that I made it through the bus rides(4 hours each way) along with the subways/metros to get to/from the bus (about an hour from our house), without being too uncomfortable. I made sure to get up and walk the aisles often, and stretched and hydrated, and rested and read. It was a great trip!

XY seems to be moving into yet another new stage of development (he's almost fully cooked!). He's moving around a ton. I feel him kicking my ribs on the right (it actually feels like I pulled muscle on the left, too?) and maybe he's swallowing or hiccuping or moving his little hands around down low because at times there's a fairly constant popping feeling.

I know that everyone says their baby is coming early and few fist babies do, BUT, I really think he's coming early. Not too early - just a week or two. I already feel a little "out of it" (possibly a sign that I'm turning in - preparing a nest) and I think he's already lower (I can breath a lot better than I could a few weeks ago). Who knows, though. I made a little list of "must do's" before the baby arrives and will hopefully get those done soon so whenever he comes we're ready.

Bump Check - 33 weeks!

Once again - I think this photo is misleading - I'm BIG! And getting bigger every day. I can't seem to find my purple tank top so this pic is in a pink one - maybe in honor of Passover?

Things are going well. Danny has been on spring break since March 19 and I've for some reason been on break, too. I've slowed down a bit (though I did manage to do yoga today and as the weather has been improving I'm enjoying walking again).

Danny and I also appear to be in full on nesting mode. Everyday we seem to think of a new thing we need to do the apartment to "really settle in." Just this week Danny painted our dining room chairs and put up some shelves above the fish tank - and I ordered stools for the breakfast bar and bowl easels to display some pottery from Mexico.

I'm trying not to think about all of the money we're spending...but the apartment does look amazing.

My insomnia is acting up a bit - which I guess is normal. It's harder to get comfortable, and I still get up every few hours to pee - and I guess there's also a background of excitement/anxiety.

I'm feeling good, though. Enjoying being under-employed and having this time to prepare for mommyhood :)